Stories

My Story

I don't have AS, but I was diagnosed with a non-verbal learning disability this year, specifically ADD. I'm fourteen years old. For ten years, I suffered psychologically and emotionally because of my odd behavior (hyperactivity, extreme aversion to strangers, weird sense of humor) and seeming inability to do well in school despite my high IQ. My parents would simply push me harder, saying I wasn't applying myself. Still, no matter how hard I worked, I was still getting less-than-perfect grades. I fell into a deep depression, ashamed that I couldn't please my parents or myself, and unhappy that I couldn't just be normal. My parents had already put me into psychotherapy after I wrote a particularly violent diatribe and mean-spirited song about a substitute teacher who hit one of my classmates with a ruler (though my actions did instigate a rebellion that eventually got said teacher fired), so I was able to talk out what was on my mind, which helped a lot. I was put on Zoloft, which helped me alleviate most of the depression, but I crashed and burned last summer. I was so sick of feeling like an outsider and a disgrace to my high-achieving family that I attempted suicide. I tried to hang myself. Yet before I pulled the rope taut, I came to a realization: killing myself wouldn't solve my problems or make them go away. I made the decision to face them head-on and do something constructive. However, when I started high school, things went quickly downhill again. My grades were deplorable and I couldn't stay organized. Finally I broke the secret I'd held for a long time to my parents: this isn't my fault. At long last, I found out what was causing so many problems for me: I had ADD. Now that I'm taking Concerta, which helps me concentrate, and I feel generally more at ease (which also eliminates a lot of my erratic behaviors, which escalate when I'm nervous or uncomfortable), things are a lot better. I'm a lighting technician for the local theatre, I'm an instructor at my Tae Kwon Do dojang, and I have a 3.6 GPA. I'm still not perfect, but life is infinitely better now that I know what makes me me. I hope my story gives hope to those who went through what I went through.

Jocelyn